A Letter to my Daughter

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Dear Tenley,

My dear sweet baby. That is what you are. My baby. In two days you will be turning 2 years old. I still remember it like it was yesterday finding out we were pregnant.

10 weeks

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I was not only losing my current baby into a big girl, but gaining you as my new baby. The nine months I carried you went by so fast. I don’t think I was completely ready for you yet. You were my strong and independent baby. I knew that the day you decided to stay in my belly when I fell down the stairs. That was a huge scare. I didn’t want you coming that soon and thankfully you decided to stay in there. 38 weeks was a huge milestone for me, for us. After my body decided to make your sister come at 36 weeks I was afraid you were going to as well. Such a big girl listening to me when I told you to stay in.

The last few weeks you kept teasing me though making me think you were coming. Of course you decided the day daddy worked in another town to come. We even had a 40 minute drive to the hospital. Although you didn’t care! That morning mommy had Grandma doggy come and get mommy and Lyla. That was definitely a ride. I am pretty sure Grandma didn’t want you to come in her car so we got the hospital really really fast! Safely but fast!

Once we got to the hospital it didn’t take long from there!

Only about an hour or so after we arrived daddy did too! Thankfully!!

Because at 3:27pm you were born.

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If you want to read the entire birth story
Here it is

me and daddy

You were beautiful. You smelt so amazing. That amazing baby smell that I didn’t want to get rid of. I could smell you forever. I didn’t get the chance to smell your sister because of the c-section. Which saddens me because she probably smelled really good too. I know I sound crazy! Moms, am I right?! That smell is incredible. I could see so much of your daddy in you. The way you overtook my heart. It was love at first sight. My biggest fear of not having enough love for two children, well it was squashed. My heart grew! It’s a love like no other.

Wow!! Baby love really is a passion of mine. Cant ya tell?!

Back to you being a big girl! Makes me want to sob right now.

I am writing this letter to you to tell you all the wonderful things about you and what you have taught me.

Always to laugh. Dont make a scene when you get hurt. You are one tough girl. You pick up right where you left.
Patience. You don’t say much at this point yet but if I just watch you we will understand each other.
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You inspire me to be a better mom.
You give the best kisses.
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Babies don’t divide love they multiple it.
You help me remember that you want to be free. You are independent. Crib=cage!
You taught me not to buy new items because you are the destroyer of all things.

I love this picture of us.
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It shows us very well

Even though you love being with me all day- you make me smile when I come to get you out of your crib and you yell “daddy” at me! Makes me know you love us both.
I love how you trust me to always catch you. You are so brave but at the same time still lean on me. I love that. Don’t ever stop.
You have taught me that it’s not really you needing me, but I need you.

I love you. I always will. Through it all. The hard the bad the good and amazing. Tenley Rose you have blessed me in so many ways. I cannot thank you enough.

Love forever and a day,
Mommy

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Birthing Story: Tenley Rose

I had previously had a c-section with my first daughter Lyla. Around February 2011,  I found out I was pregnant again with my second child. We were pretty excited to find out that we were expecting again! I have always wanted my children to be close in age and they were going to be pretty close to about two and half years apart! Knowing I had options this time, I researched information on vaginal births after c-sections (vbac). The risks were much higher than a repeat c-section. I informed my doctor of my decision and she said we would discuss it later down the road. Kind of made me nervous to hear that. I really was completely against having another c-section.

 

During the second trimester around 22 weeks I had fallen down the stairs. I was rh-negative and was given rhogam. Rh-negative means I have negative blood and the baby possibly could have positive blood. In case there is a tear in the uterus they have to give a shot. This shot was the rhogam. The rhogam prevents my body making antibodies which attacks the blood from the tear. Meaning when there is a tear and blood is mixed (mine being negative and baby’s being positive). My body will try to make antibodies to protect the foreign object aka the baby. Not a good situation. The effects of the mixed blood can cause anemia (swelling of the brain and spinal cord). After I was hospitalized I had shown signs of slight mixture. The rest of my pregnancy was a constant check up to make sure no signs of anemia were present in baby. I was eventually put on bed rest the end of my pregnancy from on and off bleeding.

 

 

 

At this time we had discussed the chance of still being able to have a vbac. She didn’t recommend the vbac because my risk was too high. I already had a tear and she didn’t want to risk it.

We had a scheduled c-section for the tenth of October. I was originally due the 17th. Repeatedly I had gone to the hospital either for bleeding or having false contractions. I was miserable the last few weeks of my pregnancy and was constantly being stabbed with ivs each time I went to the hospital. Each time I went in with contractions they lessened and they sent me home. Soo disappointing.

 

On October 5th, 2011 I had woken up at about 6 am with contractions pretty close together. Estimating about 7 minutes apart. Mind you my hospital is still 40 minutes away. I called Tony who was already at work.(by the way about 2 hours from the hospital and he said for me to wait it out, it was probably another false alarm and reminded me of all the times I got sent home. I was very uncomfortable and decided to take a shower thinking things would settle down. Well, actually they got worse! They were now about 3-4 minutes apart. I made it downstairs and called Tony’s mother who lives here in town to see if she could drive me to the hospital. I didn’t want to end up going to the local hospital, and also I didn’t want to drive with Lyla. She was sleeping upstairs. I was nervous and worried! Tony’s mother was worried about me waiting to long and having the baby in her car. She rushed over and she put Lyla in the car as I packed last-minute items that I thought I would need. We ended up getting to the hospital around 9 am. I had called the hospital to see if my doctor was in and of course she was off that day. I had talked to the on call midwife who told me to go to the clinic that was attached to the hospital. When I got there my mother and father were at the hospital entrance waiting for me with a wheelchair. She didn’t know I had talked to the midwife and was not supposed to go straight to the hospital, but she called the hospital and they set up a room for me. My mom is always prepared! I wanted to walk which helped me concentrate on the contractions. When I got upstairs to the ob offices they had checked me saying I was only 2 ½ centimeters dilated. Which by the way I was like are you f’n kidding me! I was that two weeks ago!! They decided to hook me up to a NST which is a non stress test, it monitors the contractions I am having and how strong and the length that they are. About every 4 minutes and pretty strong. The nurse who was with the midwife, who I could have about punched. She kept telling me over and over that I was not going to have my baby and they were not contractions at all, it was just the baby moving. Well, lady sorry to break it to ya I have been carrying this baby for 8 months and this sure as hell wasn’t just movement!! She was just ruder than rude! When I got back to the room I was checked again and only was a little over 3 centimeters dilated. The midwife decided to send me to the hospital to be checked in because I had progressed very slowly but did progress. The woman took forever to get to my room with a wheelchair and then told my mom she could push me to the hospital. At that point, I didn’t care who took me I just wanted to go!! My mom and sister were just going nuts about the nurse!

Finally, I had made it to the hospital room! I was now about a 7 and Tony finally got to the hospital! Thank the Lord! The doctor came in and said “are we having a repeat c-section or a vbac?” I was completely stunned!! I was like my doctor said I couldn’t. Well, she said because I was progressing so perfect she was willing to give me the option but I had to choose quickly. If I would have had a c-section they would have to get me in quickly to get prepped. I looked at Tony and was soo unsure! I knew it’s what I have always wanted but really was it!? He knew I was nervous and said to me that he knew I could do it. He knew I was strong and that I have always wanted to do! He knew if I didn’t try I would have been disappointed forever! He was my hero that day!! He truly was! I decided to go through with it and try a vbac!

Last picture with my belly!! I will cherish this picture since I do not have one with Lyla.

They gave me the walking epidural and we had walked about once around the labor and delivery area and I felt a lot of pressure. I then went back to my room and had the final medicine for my epidural. Being a vbac patient I was then restricted to the bed after that because of risks involved. It was only taking to my left side and eventually after laying on my right side it took. That I think was the most horrible pain ever. I only felt all the pain in my right side. I felt it was much harder to control and calm myself being on one side.  After about an hour, I had felt soo much pressure and the nurse said since you were a 7 an hour ago I will wait until the doctor gets here. It was a little bit and I really was begging for her to check me, saying I think its time. She then gave in because the doctor had not come. She lifted my gown and I was completely crowned and at a 10. Tony got to see her hair and I just completely cried! The nurse had me start to push and about the 3rd push the doctor came and in and on the 5th push she was out! I got to hear her first cry, touch her and hold her immediately when she came out, just it was amazing!

 

 

 

 

 

Tenley Rose Hernandez was born. Seven pounds seven ounces.

The photos are something I cannot believe I look at the them all the time!! Right after I was stitched and cleaned up I was able to get up and walk.. Pee on my own!!! And change and shower!! I felt like a new woman!!  I could hold and carry my baby! So amazing. I felt soooo powerful that I could carry the world on my shoulders!!! I felt so incomplete with my first delivery until then!! I would never go back! I healed sooo quickly and lost all the weight I gained soo quickly!! I could take care of her like I never had surgery!! I truly think if you do your research and have faith and confidence you can do it!! I knew if I didn’t try I would have regretted my choice!! I know now you know your body better than anyone.. If you think you can you probably can and you will do it better than you thought!!

 

This is daddy!

That’s Me!

 

Mo Big sister Lyla with her new sister at home!

The vbac was the best decision I have ever made for myself. I know from now on to be your own advocate! it’s the only way. Intervention I swear is what most doctors know. I am a woman, I was meant to birth children. My body was made for it. All in all, I have experienced both kind of labors and got two beautiful girls as an outcome!! I wouldn’t trade it for the world!

Birthing Story: Lyla Marie

I was 22 and Tony was 23. We had only been dating for two years at that point and never considered children that early. We were pregnant.
I was 8 weeks along!
I guess it doesn’t really matter all the fear and anxiety we had because she was a blessing.

It was a pretty routine pregnancy, had the normal morning sickness, had good blood pressure and measured good all along the way. The only scare we had been what thought to be low amniotic fluid so I had to have an ultrasound to check the AFI (amniotic fluid index). I passed within the amount needed and no other worry had happened….

On March 22, 2009 that night I had a few headaches nothing to worry about and went to bed. The next morning on the 23rd I still had the headaches and had some cramping. I contacted my doctor who by the way is 40 minutes away and told her my symptoms. She told me to immediately come to the hospital. Well, being the stubborn person I am took a shower before we left. Also, we did not have our hospital bag packed whatsoever and were rushing to get it packed. We left and went to the adjoining clinic/hospital. I had protein in my urine, swollen ankles and feet (little sausages!), blood pressure sky rocketed, headache and cramping. All signs of early pre-clampsia. Pre-E is a condition that is pregnancy-induced hypertension. Serious stuff!! Which I was like what??! Huh?? What the heck does that mean?! Next thing I know she is telling us to walk to the hospital and admit ourselves: WE WERE HAVING A BABY TODAY!!!

That day was the scariest day of my life. We were only 36 weeks along!

We then were admitted into the hospital and all seemed well. Until, they gave me magnesium sulfate which stabilizes the seizures that can happen. This drug by the way is horrid. Completely the worst feeling you can have. Makes you heavy feeling like you can barely move. This is also a good example of how I felt, I was burning inside but my skin was cold. I felt literally i was burning inside my body. I also had steroid shots to help her lungs develop because we were before 37 weeks.
I had labored for 5 hours and eventually I knew my body couldn’t do it. I was too weak from the medicine. I was devastated. I wanted to not have an epidural and labor as long as I could without intervention. I knew I was already screwed when I had to have the magnesium. I opted to have an epidural, in thought that it would at least allow me to labor naturally. I will not say that this is what caused me to have a c-section, but if had been an advocate and knew my options I would have never chose an epidural. I have read studies that state: Hypertension in pregnancy and an epidural raises the risk to lose heart rate and thus leading to a c-section. Only what I have read, I am not a doctor but seriously someone could have told me the effects during my situation.
After, having the epidural inserted, I felt soo much more at ease! Until, about every buzzer in my room was going off and about ten people ran into my room. We had lost her heart rate. I was then told to get on my hands and knees to release pressure off of the baby. Doing so did not raise her heart rate. My heart rate was also fluctuating as well. They then pulled me out of the room and told me I was having a c-section. Tony was not scrubbed up, I had said over and over where is Tony? Where is Tony? They kept telling me that they were going to get him in the room. The anesthesiologist was next to me all chipper saying “We’re gonna have a baby!” seriously not the time!! The medicine I was on made me druggy feeling and I didn’t really understand all that was going on. I remember a pull and a tug… and a flash of skin above the curtain. Still no Tony!

I was then taken to the recovery room and then to my room. I woke up and everyone was in my room. Tony handed me Lyla! She was absolutely beautiful. She took my breath away! I never knew love until I held that little girl. It was the most incredible feeling anyone could have. I was officially a mother!! One of the best days of my life. All the worry of the world was gone when I held this little girl.

She was born at 10:57pm March 23rd, 2009. Five pounds four ounces 19 inches long. Lyla Marie Hernandez.

I was tested positive for Hellp syndrome. That is when a woman has low platelet counts, hemolysis which is the breakdown of red blood cells too quickly, and elevated liver enzymes. Serious stuff!! They thought I was going into shock and hypothermia. I had such a low temp it wouldn’t read on any thermometer. I had raised blood pressure still after having her and had compression leggings on and pumps the entire 5 days I was there. I couldn’t walk for 4 days and had to have a catheter. I was a mess. I was way worse than my child who was born early.

She was in the special nursery for only about 45 minutes Tony said. She passed all the tests and seemed to be doing wonderful. I on the other hand had not done too well!

While I was at the hospital I had a wonderful nurse who truly to this day saved me. She stuck by my side and pulled a double not to leave my side the night I had come down with Hellp. Her name was Judy and I absolutely couldnt thank her enough!

Those women at the hospitals are truly the best or worst part of your experience. If it was not the support and caring side of this wonderful woman, I am not sure what Tony and I would have done.

We got to take our precious baby home 5 days later. Ever since I first heard her heartbeat she had my heart. Everyday she amazes me more and more.
Next, will be my Tenley Rose. Completely different birth story. I wouldn’t change it for anything.
What kind of birth story do you have to share?! I would love to hear of your experience.